As we watched the babies enjoy the floor gym and some tummy time, Lily's mother and I mused about what it will be like when our daughters are old enough for tea parties and slumber parties. I started thinking back to my own childhood and how most of my favorite memories include my younger cousin, who was more like a sister to me, and all the time we spent together.
I was an only child and Crystal only had a younger brother. We were inseperable for many years, even attending the same college and living right next door to each other. She and her husband are currently overseas and I can't express how much sadness I feel when I think about how long it's been since I've seen her. I also know how much it saddens her that she can't be home to meet Mia and will probably not be home for my wedding.
I truly hope that Mia and Lily will be as close as Crystal and I were and that she gets to experience the joys of those sisterly type bonds.
Today was such a long day. We had errands to run on top of getting Mia dressed and ready for her big picture day. Tomorrow will prob be even worse, at least for Mia, my poor sweet angel has to get her first round of immunizations. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and thinking good thoughts and praying that she doesn't run a fever or anything even worse. Have I mentioned how much I love my daughter? Mia also got to meet her Uncle (my mothers brother) for the first time today. He held her and rocked and sobbed. I think seeing Mia makes my family miss my mother and father more than they normally would. She reminds my family that my parents aren't here to see their grandchild. There is always a part of me that will miss them and that will wish I could have known them, but for me the lose doesn't hurt as much as it does my other family. I was not much older than Mia is now when I lost my father and I was only five when I lost my mom. I don't have any real memories of either of my parents but I was blessed to have amazing grandparents who raised me and never once let me doubt that I was loved. It seems like only yesterday I was being helped out of bed at 4am and on my way to the hospital. By 7am I was laying flat on my back in an operating room experiencing what I can only describe as the feeling of my abdomen being unzipped by my doctor. At 7:13 I heard the announcment that she was out, but there was no crying.
I began to sob as I realized my daughter was not crying. I was reassured that she fine and that in only the first few seconds of her life my daughter had decided to show us just how tempermental and stubborn she is by holding her breathe. She was not happy about being yanked from my womb, why should she be? She had expressed zero interest in joining us in the world outside my uterus. 42 weeks in my womb and she was comfortable enough that she felt no need to drop down into position and my cervix had shown no signs of wanting to dilate. What followed was a blur of hustle to get Mia cleaned up and me stitched up and back to the recovery room. I can remember feeling overwhelmed by the number of people there when arrived back to the room. People who had already seen my daughter. I felt cheated in a way. I carried her for 9 months and just went through what would become the most painful surgery of my life and I was not the first person to cuddle my child. Those feelings melted instantly when I saw Gabe holding Mia. He had tears in his eyes and I could tell he was already smitten by this little girl.
After what felt like an eternity I was moved from recovery to my actual room. My lactation consultant came in to see me and I had my first attempt at breast feeding. It was the most amazing feeling I've ever experienced. Mia latched on instantly and began to suckle hard and greedily. The nurse and my lactation consulant began to laugh because of just how loud she was while nursing but I cried because of how beautiful I felt in that moment. I had never felt so connected with anyone or anything. This little person had grown inside me and was now being nourished by my body, I felt strong and powerful. A few hours later I had my heartbroken when I learned that Mia was having some serious problems with her blood sugar and would have to be taken into the NICU. She was there for only 4 days but it felt like an eternity. The time Mia spent in the NICU has been the only part of her life that has had the feeling of passing by slowly.
Yesterday marked my baby girls second month in our world and in our lives and it has passed with blazing speed. I try to take pictures of her everyday because I see changes in her everyday. I rock her everday because I know there will come a time when she is too big to lay in my arms and she will no longer crave that attention from me. I sing to her, read to her and tell her I love her everyday because there will come a time when she doesn't want to hear anything I have to say (I truly hope her teen years aren't like this) and no matter what I say she will feel the world doesn't love or understand her. I'm enjoying watching her grow and learn. I want her to know that being her mother is the most beautiful, heartbreaking and scariest thing I have ever done with my life. In just two months this little girl has changed the way I look at almost everything in my life. I can't wait to see what the next two months and beyond hold for me and my beautiful girl.
- Mood:
thoughtful
I am so blessed to have such a healthy, beautiful baby girl. She's such a happy baby and has an amazing personality. Last night she slept from 11pm until 5am this morning before she woke up for a bottle. I can't believe how fast she's growing and I can't believe how lucky I am to have this special little person in my life.
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